Trans-global Somnambulism – How Foreign Ideas Arrive Here Sleepily Unaware of the American Idea


Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Nothing is as awesome as getting totally drunk in a public park and singing karaoke at the top of your lungs during the daytime.


This kind of behavior is accepted…in Japan. It’s a foreign idea called ‘hanami,’ which means ‘flower watching,’ and it occurs in April as soon as the cherry blossoms begin blossoming. Japanese businessmen get sloshed on plum wine, vodka, beer, and sake while surreptitiously sexually harassing their female coworkers and singing poorly pronounced renditions of “My Way.” It’s a bit strange to first time visitors to Japan.

When I lived in Japan, people would constantly question me about America, and our obsession with guns. Guns have been illegal in Japan for decades now, only Yakuza and the police have them, and just the sight of an unloaded .22 revolver is enough to make the bravest Japanese man wet his pants in fear.

My answer usually was a dismissive, “It’s part of our culture,” because for me to elaborate on Locke, John Stuart Mill, and the original intent of the 2nd Amendment takes too damn long. It’s also quite insulting for me to be honest – something learned quickly by foreigners who deal continually with Japanese – to say, “Well, once you give up your guns, you give up liberty.” A small segment of Japanese might understand the idea, perhaps they can smell the tyrannical stench of China’s military might breathing down their backs, but for the majority the answer I give is simply, “it’s part of our culture.”

While the Japanese hear this response, take a second to ponder the minutia of American sensibilities for a second before forgetting it, Piers Morgan and his bombastic way of throttling American viewers of CNN (the few that watch) are clearly an intentional problem I call “Transglobal Somnambulism” – people that sleepwalk across the globe with no intent to awaken to the culture that surrounds them.

Many conservatives know what Piers is up to: the bodies of those dead at Sandy Hook had not been put to rest before he began his crusade to extend British gun bans to America at the behest of CNN management. He was there to change America into the image that he approved of, and his frequent mentions of America being a “Wild West,” his well-poisoning interview with Wayne La Pierre in which he called La Pierre a “shame to his country” (though Piers fled his own country after apparently telling his reporters to hack cellphones to get a scoop), and his invitation of Alex Jones to his show simply so he could formulate the equation “gunowner = alexjones+screaming” to his viewers all show that Piers Morgan has not awakened to this country’s culture or laws.

We, on the other hand, are quite awake. American conservatives know the British gun ban well and the result of their banning of guns – the sudden increase in crime after the ban, the inability for people to even defend themselves with pepper spray (a female British friend of mine bemoaned that she would be arrested for using pepper spray if a man attacked her and then sued by her attacker for assault), and the fact that England is the most violent country in Europe, while heavily armed Switzerland is the lowest. Conservatives know that an “assault weapons” ban is the proverbial foot in the door to a later handguns ban, a rifle/shotgun ban, and then possibly, a musket ban. Piers is blissfully unaware of the fear we Americans have; many of us have grown up with guns and see them as a fun hobby and a means of defending our family regardless of how scary they look to liberals.

The question we conservatives in the media must ask of Piers is this, “Why would a man fleeing the law in his own country come and have the audacity to lecture us about ours?” Well, we must come to the conclusion that Piers Morgan is a narcissistic sleepwalker from the other side of the globe. Instead of going out with an AR-15, shooting some targets, and awaking to the fact that owning one is more like a hobby than anything sinister, he is content to order us to align ourselves to his British sensibilities. Perhaps we conservatives are to blame – we should order him out of his supercilious New York City bubble of highfalutin socialites into a North Carolina firing range and let him shoot some targets with an AK-47, an AR-15, hell, I’ll let him shoot MY guns. He is a guest in our country, after all.

And the great thing about living in another culture is that eventually you wake up and understand the other culture’s sensibilities and accept them for what they are. I remember the first time I was pulled over by the police for “driving while white” in Japan, and I showed them my ID, didn’t protest, and quickly went on my way when they finished. I remember the first time I ate whale and horse sushi in Japan. I remember the first time I saw boobs on Japanese broadcast TV at 8PM (no black box). All of these things were a bit uncomfortable, but you learn to accept the culture for what it is.

So, readers of the Daily Pamphlet, here is my request. If you’ve got an “assault weapon” (or something that looks like it, because we all know there is no such thing), email, tweet, call, mail, and beg Piers out to a shooting range somewhere. He can film it; he SHOULD film it. The smile he has after shooting his first group into a target will say much more than all the arguing, pointless numbers, contention, and political positioning he has engaged in the last month – it will show that he has awakened from his slumber.

One Response to Trans-global Somnambulism – How Foreign Ideas Arrive Here Sleepily Unaware of the American Idea

  1. John Wertz
    John Wertz January 30, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    Face it, the homegrown anti gun crowd has the upper hand just now, and they are determined to do as much mischief as possible. While we are doing our best coping with them, we don’t need flak from ill-mannered, uninformed foreigners. Your article nails the mentality of Morgan and his like. We must resist the temptation to apologize for America on this issue.


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