Sexing the Dead

Parody Movie Poster

Original photo Taken by: Klafubra, Date: 14.11.2004, at Egyptian collection at the British Museum, London

Latest (and possibly the one most likely to raise eyebrows of a permanently cynicized public) outrage to hit the news world is that Egyptian authorities have given the nod to their …upright…citizenry to have sex with their dead wives “for the first six hours” without it being forbidden or a problem for the cultically observant. We can observe that, as with fish, fresh is best. After the wife has lain on the floor or divan for 7, 8, 10 hours, she is just not so appealing as a sex object as she was when she was newly stricken, stroked, decapitated or cardiac-arrested for whatever reason.

Early random thought: Clearly, when such a process of post-mortem frolic (PMF)–or hoisting the djellabiya for last-minute gropes and kinky funk–has gone on, organs that might have been contributed to the healthy prolongation of life of others is decidedly less possible, as the vitals have begun to deteriorate and are progressively less viable than had they been whisked to a portable organ ice-chest and EMS’ed to the nearest clinic and/or hospital.

But perhaps organ donation–other than the obvious one attached to the [live] husband–is not the predominant thought on the ‘mind’ of the PMF activist in the household of the recently removed-from-life.

Of course, organ donation is not a big segment of the average Egyptian household, whatever caused the death of the wife.

This new pronunciamento comes with an imaginary note to the virtual Muslim Bro’hood principal: Please excuse my son for his high spirits and slight naughtiness. He is just obeying the new ruling that it’s all OK, all halal to, shall-we-say, indulge for a brief time before the sadness at the bride death hits full-bore.

What seems to be more critical and important in this is, like cliteridectomy, done under frightful conditions, and despite it being illegal in many places and not even in The Book as it is currently malpracticed–as far as I know–this ruling is exceedingly uncool: A dead body may present a communicable disease, condition, or a-borning fatal development—and such abysmal acts of demented and brute ignorance encourage bacteriological spread (as it were). A hot climate is a lot less sensible in which to indulge than would be an igloo, perhaps, where deterioration is quite a bit slower than in humid, sweltery homes in the 100-120 degrees Fahrenheit zone sans the saving grace of a spanking GE a/c.

It is something no civilized nation indulges in. In societies where such practices as eating the brains of the dead (usually enemy dead, to be sure; nothing so clammy as one’s own kinfolk) occurs, diseases such as kuru and equivalents often ensue, with genetic sequellae and untoward organic consequences in the long term. Flesh-eating disease. Even the current blare in the tabloids: Mad-cow disease, which comes from eating the flesh of infected animals. If the body has been treated in a conventional morgue, moreover, exposure of infectious agents and toxins to corporeal soft tissues can even transmit carcinogen-related diseases treatable with radiation.

Not to mention, of course, the danger of contracting HIV/AIDS, if the wife had it, and the husband thinks he can get away with unprotected erotic acts, because there is no worry about the wife becoming pregnant. Or how about herpes, and other sexually transmitted indelicacies, or garden-variety infections. All this for a salacious connubial necrophili-act with the ex- or former (insert John Cleese and dead parrot ref, for Monty Python fans) wife. Some of these diseases are active shortly after being contracted, and some lie dormant, like scorpions hiding in the desert sands until a juicy prospect comes along. A second or third wife, perhaps. But though they may emerge slowly in some instances, when they finally flare up, they are doozies, sometimes rendering people infertile, blind, mad, even paralyzed. Husbands who marry after this episode of PMF will surely fail to take precautions based on a paltry few intromissions with the gone and forgotten wife, ensuring a revisiting of health peril upon newer, updated models of wife/victim.

Yes, in societies where messing with the dead is seen as acceptable, massive and often hard-to-contain diseases often develop that spread among the living. Aside from these two conditions that are deplorable and unacceptable in 2012, the husband who seeks sex from an unwilling or sleeping or sick or recovering wife might in fact then kill her just to have sex despite her demurrers.  It seems bizarre to say so, but the primitive cults now afield are infamous for fevers of crime against millions of the living and enemy dead–it is not unexpected that men who are allowed, nay encouraged, to beat their wives and kill wayward daughters insisting on their right to marry out or convert or the like might simply kill the wife, have sex, and tell the medical examiner that she died after sex. Tsk: Such a nice woman, too, she had been.

Some followers behead women–their daughters, and their own wives–with impunity, since some practice seems little more than a shell for male domination, conquest of nations in the name of ‘religion,’ with maximum prejudice against non-sharing other. So what would stop them from wholesale murder should their abused wives choose to say No to sex?

Recall that the word has gone out not long ago that some followers may breast-feed off lactating female adults who are not their wives or kin–using some sort of bizarre ‘reasoning’ to justify this excuse for mammary play with strangers, without running afoul of prostitution laws or adultery accusations.

I think this might be the forward edge of a great many new abuses–in addition to all the horrific behaviors the world has come to abhor and revile–one more reason the unhinged or the sermon-jostled madmen can exert their small-organ, small-income, small-mind, limited-vision [take your pick of temporal 'reasons' and rationales] apparent lack of self-esteem.

Actually, screwing the dead is no new thing among a particular belief-system: According to the dogma, one revered sacred desert forebear had sex with his aunt–three days after she was buried. Yikes: So much weirdness among a certain section of earth’s inhabitants.

It all seems an unexceptional extension of current vilifying misbehavior’s. Keep your eyes peeled on your neighborhood morgue.

4 Responses to Sexing the Dead

  1. awiessner May 16, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    Great read! I'm mummified! Gives a whole new meaning to "one's head in the sand."

    • Alan_Levesque May 16, 2012 at 11:12 pm

      We couldn't really find any pictures that fit with this article which may be a good thing. We of course used the "go to" photo for all things Egyptian.

    • Alan_Levesque May 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

      I took your "mummified" comment and ran with it. Check out the article now.

  2. Steven Abernathy May 17, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    I notice your 'go to' photo seems to be 6 phallic symbols sticking up out of the sand. Not a bad choice for this subject.


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