Caring About “Caring Progressives”

Damn the Torpedoes Full Speed Ahead

Damn the Torpedoes Full Speed Ahead!

Goody. I just found a handy-dandy little tool for calculating how much a single woman with a modest income (who of course voted for Obama) will pay if we go over the fiscal cliff. Assume she makes $25,000 per year with her B.A. in multicultural feminism, with an emphasis on nineteenth-century oppressed Andean females in remote Peruvian regions. This customer service rep at your local auto dealership will pay an additional $945 in taxes. Good thing she’ll have free birth control with Obamacare.

It’s all at bankrate.com if you care to use the fiscal cliff calculator for doing your own estimates. Maybe you’re a married couple–30-something professionals making $135,000 per year, filing jointly and claiming three exemptions as you have one child. You live in a trendy urban area and shop at a GMO-laden gourmet grocery that claims to be healthy and wholesome. It feels good for your parents to see how successful and upwardly mobile you are!

And of course you voted for Obama ’cause he’s cool and Romney was a dork who looked like something out of a ‘50s sitcom. You no doubt chuckled over rhetorical questions like: “Why vote for a successful businessman to fix the economy? What kind of Veep would Paul Ryan make, having been chairman of the House Budget Committee? Can’t Uncle Bite-Me handle things just fine if Obama is incapacitated?” Congrats, you will now be paying $6,435 per year extra if we go over the cliff. Stop buying the gourmet coffee and eat out less, the party’s over.

Yes, it’s all Bush’s fault. He has caused President Obama in four years not to be able to do anything about our financial mess! Maybe Bush sends mental vibes from Texas that mess up Barack’s head. It happens, and I wouldn’t put it past those evil Republicans. In fact, our awesome number-one cool guy has had to increase the national debt to $16 trillion from $10 trillion while pondering “What to do? What to do?” when he’s not hanging with Jay-Z. The stress is enough to drive anyone out to the golf course over 100 times, and in fact, has.

As a senior whose modest income means she pays no Federal income taxes, I don’t mind admitting I don’t give a rip about liberals who will have to pay more if no agreement is reached. I do feel the pain of conservatives who have seen what is happening and felt powerless to stop the bleeding. Small business owners who won’t be expanding their businesses or hiring have my sympathy.

For anyone who checked my Facebook page after the election, you’ve seen that I have a “No Obama Voters” policy in effect. That means anyone who requests something like a LinkedIn recommendation, a job referral, a positive Amazon review, etc., and who voted for Obama, is not receiving any help from me. You can have your unemployment and your struggles to find freelance gigs, my dolls. You looked at this economy, you voted for more of it, and now I’m supposed to give you a leg up? I don’t think so.

I urge all conservatives to consider adopting my “No Obama Voters” policy when it comes to spending your money. That means don’t knowingly patronize businesses where the owner voted for Obama. Did you notice an Obama/Biden bumper sticker over there during the election? If you drove past their home, was there such a sign on the lawn? Why are you now pulling out money or a credit card to support their next donation to the Democrat Party?

At the same time, please do your best to help those who tried to do what is right to save this great country! When choosing a plumber, an electrician, an auto mechanic or anyone to provide a service, why not look around to find a competent person who is also conservative? Let’s take care of our own. After all, liberals shouldn’t need anything from us–they have Barack, Joe, Harry and Nancy. Bwaahaha. Happy New Year.

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